officialunitedstates:

earth has a moon but mercury does not.  so I say we split our moon in half and share it with them.  reblog if you have a hacksaw

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  • 1 month ago
  • 2494

sammybitchfacewinchester:

fricken-nuggets:

fricken-nuggets:

Whats red and bad for your teeth?

a brick

well you’re not wrong

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  • 1 month ago
  • 290176

cappinzeezee:

edwad:

i dont say “no” to drugs

i say “no thank you” because i wasnt raised in a fucking barn like some of you hoodlums 

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  • 1 month ago
  • 524968
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  • #one of those perf moments #my dash did a thing #dashboard #omg
  • 1 month ago
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  • 1 month ago
  • 38496

vampirevvekend:

my #1 talent is saying stupid things to people and immediately regretting it

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  • 1 month ago
  • 304634

edwad:

*phone rings*
“hello”
“hi! is your refrigerator running”
“yes it is”
“mine is as well! can’t wait to see your fridge at the race tomorrow”

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  • 1 month ago
  • 279611

6ood:

My dance style ranges from white dad at a barbecue to stripper whose rent is due tomorrow

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  • 1 month ago
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ultra-overdosin:

livelawless:

lnvocation:

My thighs are huge cuz they’re full of secrets

Wrap them around my ears and let me hear them all

Smooth as fuck

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  • 1 month ago
  • 347179

ghost-anus:

ghost-anus:

accidentally offending a good friend

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purposefully offending a bad friend

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  • 1 month ago
  • 251004
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